I am not a big movie watcher but I have been feeling left out so I have been slowly trying to up my movies-I-have-seen-cache. Anyway, I watched Zombieland recently and I was blown away by how many rules can be applied to triathlon.
- Cardio - This one is obvious, you are never going to make it as a triathlete without it
- The Double Tap - just when you think you got 'em, surge again.
- Beware of Bathrooms - Awww man there is nothing worse than the potty potties on race day - a bunch of jacked triathletes race morning all trying to empty their load. #3
- Wear Seat Belts - In this case your race belt - handy to avoid getting a penalty and for hiding the goods.
- No Attachments - Triathletes don't need friends, just a nice bike.
- The “Skillet” - big and cast iron
- Travel Light - Refer to Rule 3
- Get a Kick Ass Partner - You need a good trainer partner you can count on for your long rides. Sooner or later they will make it a point to kick your butt at the next race for which you will prepare for by "secret training."
- With your Bare Hands - I don't care what people say, it is the best way to put on a wetsuit
- Don’t Swing Low - don't be a low arm swinger when running. I am not naming names.
- Use Your Foot - to trip people in the finisher's shoot. It is a lot less obvious than an elbow to the gut.
- Bounty Paper Towels - Refer to Rule 3
- Shake it off - kicks to the face suck during the swim but there is nothing you can do about them other than shake 'em off
- Always carry a change of underwear - If you are still in your trishorts an hour after the race . . . well let's just say you better have a lot to show for it. #14
- Bowling Balls - about the size you need when someone tells you to "grow a pair"
- Opportunity Knocks - f*ckin take it!
- Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
- Limber Up
- Break it Up
- It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
- Avoid Strip Clubs - the dancers aren't nearly as good looking as triathletes
- When in doubt know your way out - you are the only one to blame if you get lost on a race course.
- Ziplock - the best place for Rule #14
- Use your thumbs - Thumbs up!
- Shoot First - Make lofty goals encouraging you to either excel or crash and burn
- A little sunscreen never hurt anybody - avoid the triathlete tramp stamp
- Incoming! - Prepare to dismount at the dismount line otherwise you will scare the piss out of a lot of volunteers.
- Double-Knot your Shoes - If you haven't made the switch to EZ laces the you certainly do not want to have to stop twice to tie your ultra fast running flats.
- The Buddy System - best way to "legally" draft as they call it
- Pack your stain stick - or salt stick, or body glide stick, or just THE stick
- Check the back seat - Probably where you left the race numbers you picked up earlier
- Enjoy the little things - like winning
- Swiss army Knife - so you can trim anything on the fly to become more aero
